magical place

ATITHI DEVO BHAVAH

2009-07-05T02:40:00.004+05:30

This is the new punch line that we hear quite a bit in the latest ads by Indian tourism department. What we don't hear is the complete sloka. And this is the real reason why we still have not grasped the true picture. Let me first put the complete sloka here and then I will sort of try to link this post with the last one written yesterday

MAATRU DEVO BHAVAH! PITRU DEVO BHAVAH!
AACHAARYA DEVO BHAVAH! ATITHI DEVO BHAVAH!

The translation is very simple (even I can do it!!). It means mother, father, teacher and guest are god or god like and we should worship them. What we listen regularly is just the last bit. The problem is that we are all loosing the first 3 bits and then expect that we would follow the last bit ... that's not how it works. I would like to point to the fact that the flow starts with mother, then goes to father, then to the teacher and lastly to guest. I might be reading too much into this but this is also how I think it is supposed to be. If you don't respect your mother, you cant respect your father, if you cant respect your father you cant respect your teacher (after all father and mother are your first teachers) and finally if you respect all three you might respect your guest!! This is again my understanding of things and not the literal translation of the sloka.

Basically what I am trying to say is that if we have to achieve the goal of being a hospitable country we have to get in touch with our roots. The same roots we are moving away from. The same roots we thing are not worth aspiring for. The same roots that start by respecting our elders especially in our home. Its our tradition that we need to follow. Unfortunately in the blind race of being modern we have sort of lost complete touch with that. We in the past have been the country which have always kept our tradition albeit modifying it with the new good things we get from other cultures. But over the last few years we have started completely westernising rather than modernising. This definitely does not bode well for us as a country. We might progress but we will never be truly happy. You just need to have a look at the western countries and see that they have more problems in life than we do even after having far more resource.

To just summarize I think that the initiative of tourism industry is great but we need to take it to the next level and preserve what little we have been left with!!

Ek doha har roj

2009-07-04T07:29:00.003+05:30

I have this mission for the next few days that I will try and memorize one doha per day. I read one today which I liked a lot and it applied too aptly on me. The doha was:

Deh dhare ka dand hai, sab kaho ko hoye

Gyani bhugte gyan se, murakh bhugate roy

Now I don't know the real meaning of this is but from what I can gather and translate there are multiple meanings to this and I will try to give my understanding of this which might not be correct.

(This is part of a bigger poem and I could find out complete poem and post it but I did not. I read the complete poem and its also good so those who want to can do a google and you will find it.)

So here it goes: To me this firstly describes that no matter who you are whether you are very wise or as dumb as a dodo you will have to suffer in the world in one way or form. (Another apt poem to look up here is "Ek EK baar sabhi sang biti" I did not find the complete poem but if some one does please post). The wise suffer as they try to see meaning in all the actions around, they try to dissect every thing no matter how small and hence are always anxious and the fools always cry about what happens to them. So no matter what you will always suffer in the world. Another way to look at it is that no matter what even if you are extremely intelligent or dumb you will ultimately be treated equal when death comes to you. Its like saying in the long run every one is dead so why be materialistic. Lead a simple life. This meaning comes out more clearly from the entire poem in which Kabir says that why I should be afraid of anything because death, old age and peril comes to all and not just me. Also too me its like a warning for people like me not to think too much about anything as over analysis leads to anxiety.

Now as to why this was apt was because I went to Manhattan today and generally around saw a lot of Indians but just didn't like how they were behaving and what they were wearing. Without going into too much details let me say that what I felt was they were trying to mingle too much with the people in NY. Its nothing new for me as I have seen this time and time again and this is not necessarily wrong but what I felt was that we as a nation and a group of people are loosing touch with our traditions, our clothing, our culture of being humble and respectful of elders and this lead to a sort of chain reaction of thoughts. I sort of started thinking that am I right in questioning these people correctly because to a large extent I also behave in a very similar way. i wear a shirt and a trouser, speak english, eat all kinds of food so am I not guilty of the same thing. Yes I am and this is even more sickening to me. In a bid to gain ground in career I have lost things which are and will always remain very dear to me. I regret this very very much. I dont have an answer to what I can do about this but I will keep the question hanging in my mind. Just in case one day a sudden thought comes to my mind which might be able to solve this question. But one thing is for sure - whether I will be able to get an answer or not this question has definitely ruined my evening. That is why one should not think too much :(

The verdict

2009-03-06T20:25:00.002+05:30

The verdict is finally out and I have lost. Not only have I lost I have lost huge. I have had that one moment when you realise that you have been living a pseudo life a life which is far from reality, a life in which what you are and what you think you are are like two shores of a river - they never meet. It is in this moment I realised that I have lost. The only real surprise to me now is not that I figured this out but the fact that it took me this long to figure it out. There have been signs all along of this but I have always turned a blind eye to it and people around me have never pointed that to me. Not that I blame them because I don't think they could have figured that out - I duped them too as I had duped myself.

I am talking about having a fighting spirit. I always assumed I had a good figthing spirit and that once there is a big problem I will fight even harder. But I realised recently that this is not the case. I was reading various things that people have written about me. Every body was unanimous in their opinion that I was destined for big things. But the irony of the thing is that I never felt the same way about me. I always had a doubt that although I have done reasonably well in my life so far my expectations of myself was very different from what peoples expectation of me were. And this made me think what is the real reason of this. I could have brushed it aside by saying I am a person who is not confident about myself but I think I know this much that I am a confident person. So I thought and thought about it. and then..

it came to me in a flash - sort of after the last 7-8 years of my life flashed in front of me. It was crystal clear to me. I have always shied away from a real fight. I am not saying that I have never fought in my life but I will say this that there is a an optimum size of problem and if I think the problem is bigger my will to fight sort of diminishes exponentially. And this is the thing that bothers me the most. I think people who succeed in life do fight hard and fight the hardest when chips are really down. I thought of incidents in the past where I can see that happening over and over again. I can see that in my day to day life - on sports field and in class rooms. In career and personal problems alike. To sum up I think I am a very bad competitor.

Naturally the thing one should do is to get rid of ones weaknesses. Now I thought the same about this one as well. But the thing is to be more competitive you need to compete and since I dont have the will to do so I dont. I can only say I am stuck between rock and the hard place. I want to improve myself but I am just not able to. I have always sort of taken the "easy way out" and it seems like I will continue to do so. I think from now on since I have realised it I will fight a bit more but this is not my innate nature and to go against it will take some doing. I will try but I have doubts about the success - serious doubts I must say.

Environment and India(ns)

2008-11-30T03:09:00.001+05:30

I have been thinking about writing this for about a month now and just did not have enough enthusiasm to write but I could feel the urge slowly increasing and now the time has come to set my laziness aside and write it. I might offend a few (if people actually read this!!, which I truly doubt) with my thoughts here and examples but so be it.

Few days back I was with one of my very close friend and was discussing why I don’t take cab back home from work if I am late. Its free (for me at least) then why not was his argument. My reason was unless it was very late 11.15 or later it takes me same time to reach home from a cab or via the tube and in using the tube I save some carbon emissions. So why not do it. His response was who the $#$$ cares about carbon emissions. I was taken aback! I have great respect for this guy but this is somewhere I think he is wrong and his offhand manner was a bit of a shock for me. Having said that, I have heard some comments like these from a lot of people, whom I come in contact with on a day to day basis. I have had a lot of discussions with people who don’t turn off their comps on the weekend and I have asked them a number of times to do the same but no changes.

What bothers me is not that they have least regard for the environment but that these are the guys who are amongst the most educated in the world and if they take such a stand what can we expect from the others. What is more regretful is the fact that most of them have roots in India. They must know how we used to worship the environment. The five elements from which the human body is made and to which it returns at the end of the journey - Each being an integral part of the environment. I know all this in today’s world seems a load of crap and you don’t have to believe in this. My guess is that the whole concept of worship of the elements, the sun, the water, the air etc was because we thought them as important and sacred. I think that there is no reason to believe that it does not hold true even today. If anything I think they have become even more important. We Indians were at the forefront of preserving the nature and we are the people who don’t care about it anymore! What has happened to us?

The answer should not come to you as a shock - I think that we were so blinded by globalization (westernization?) that we forgot our own culture. We did not think about the fact that we should only be taking the good things from the new culture we were trying to adapt to. We had mastered this art in the past. We were good at integrating with a new culture, keeping the good things and improving our culture but this time we failed and failed miserably. The price we are paying for this is huge and we need to get back to our old ways. Even if you don’t believe in Sun being a god and Air being worshipped no body can argue to the fact that they are important. Its still time for us as Indians to lead the world to a better tomorrow before it is too late and our children drown in the very water that has been the source of our progression through ages or die of the gases that we have produced so that we can have a more comfortable life. Aren’t we the country where parents do anything for their children?

It is time we paid more attention to the environment and may be to our culture

A day can do a lot in your life

2008-10-25T15:02:00.003+05:30

From being the most revered figure in the financial industry, Dick Fuld, the ex-CEO of ex-Lehman Brothers has gone to be one of the most hated and disrespected figure. While most of the people were busy figuring out where he went wrong and what will it take to get the financial mess in the global banking sector cleared I was thinking about something else. I was thinking how important can a day be in life of a man?

It turns out a day can break you and we have enough evidence of the same. I know that I have made a blanket statement here without really giving explanation about it. I think it can be argued that fall of Lehaman was not a one day event but the decisions they had taken over the last 3-4 years. But

Good Bye

2008-03-08T21:43:00.003+05:30

It is time to say good bye to the place which has been home for last 2 years. I will be leaving IIM Bangalore tomorrow with a heavy heart. What a turn around? I hated this place in till the end of first year but few weeks into my second year post my summer internship I was in love with this place. This place has given me all...fame, riches (definitely in the future),knowledge, confidence and above all it has given me few gems as my friends and for this reason alone I would never forget this place. This is my second time in a hostel environment and I must say I have not enjoyed any part of it more than my second year stay at IIMB. You enjoy becoz of your company and H-Mezz rocked. It was a great experience... all the batchmates were amazing... all the night outs we put together mugging, doing projects .. some just dicussing... all the time we spent dicussing on trivial(do mosquitos have eyes?? :P) and not so trivial things (how to improve the placement process). The juniors at H-Mezz were also amazing. It was great fun to intereact with you guys. Apart from it the juniors, seniors and batchmates with whom I interacted frequently were all great fun. Finally it would be amiss not to mention A^2 and Swati who made my life here much easier. The nights we spent together playing 29 or generally chatting was great fun and I would miss that too. I would miss the fact that they were always there when I needed them the most. So were Pabbo, Sahil and Patil. I could not imagine IIM Banalore without you guys. It was just great knowing you guys and I wish that all of us will one day assemble back at one place and have a great time together.

One another key reason why I liked IIM B was the fact that I was given respect here. I was an important pesonality who was looked up to be it acads or be it sports field. People always gave me respect. I was the one to whom they approached to clarify their acad doubts and it made me feel good about myself. I would also remember this place for the 5 days I was part of the placement process during our senior's final. It was one of the most gratifying feeling to be part of the process. Vikasana another entity that would remain with me forver. My first full time experience with social activity. It was great fun and great learning experience.

It was a great journey and I will miss not being here. To my juniors..please make full use of this fantastic opportunity and enjoy while you are here!!

I want to improve

2007-09-29T13:53:00.000+05:30

There are certain days when you can’t look over the obvious deficiencies you have in life. And these deficiencies are something which I have already known but have never worked on it because I have never felt that it could hurt somebody. But then as you mature you realize you need to change. So from today onwards I would like to change my self. I think I don’t have enough will power to change so putting it in black and white always helps. There are certain expect that I would like to change about myself and these are:

1) I have always been a person who has sought attention and enjoyed it. I would like to change this as I don’t think this is a healthy sign. It leads to unnecessary tension when you don’t get it and then you think of the possible reasons. So from today onwards I would like to have a low profile. I would and should try to make my presence in any group as low as possible
2) Secondly in any relationship I think I expect a little too much and I think I don’t give as much to the relationship as I should. I think keeping expectations low is a way of healthy relationships. After all an individuals interest is more important than anybody to him/her and to expect anything else is not fair. Although this is not an easy job to do but I would try to implement this.
3) I think I need to organize myself better and from today onwards I would try to maximize the utilization of my time. This is something that I did in the first term here at IIM B but then some how I lost this capability. I need to be more focused and damn it I would be.
4) I judge people very quickly and also base my judgment on other people’s judgment. Although I am open and change my judgment later but I should not draw conclusions this fast.

I seriously hope that today is the dawn of something new which makes me a better person. I think enough effort would go into making me a better person. I hope I have enough will to do it!!

I dont know what

2007-08-23T04:42:00.000+05:30

I dont know why and what I am goign to write today but there are too many things in my head and I need to get some thoughts out and hence I am writing this. Today has been a bad day. We had 2 major losses in Spardha and it has made me feel too bad. I know it does not matter as its a small sports event but then I am very competitive and thats not a very good thing to be. Also ManU has failed to win the first 3 games of the new season and Ferrari is languishign way behind in the constructor championship. Do I need more reasons to be down?

I am missing home and I want to get there desperately. But I know that I would not be able to go home before December. There are loads of submission coming up and so are the exams. CCS submission is around the corner with a report to write.

I have been trying to sleep for the last 30 minutes but no luck. All in all currently I am in not so happy state. Hopefully this will change soon!!! Please some good news in the next few days.

Vicious circle

2007-08-05T00:46:00.001+05:30

I have been a reasonably successful guy who has achieved certain things in life a lot of people would like to or aim to achieve. This is not to make a point that I have done well or not but to put things into perspective that the discussion that is going to follow is not out of frustration. It is further to stress the point that if a person who has had a normal life can have such fears and anxieties a person not so successful or a person who had an abnormal life would definitely have much more to fear about.

There are days when I find myself just thinking about am I good enough. Am I the person every body apart from me thinks I am? There are people in my family who look up to me for inspiration and there are others who think me as their role model but frankly speaking I have my doubts. What is there in me that inspire them to believe in me so much when even I am not sure of my capabilities? What if I go wrong some where? Would these people continue to have faith in me or would most of them just walk away and speak of a person who promised a lot but failed to deliver. I am scared and feel vulnerable when such thoughts take over my mind and then there are days when I can’t think of much apart from these things. I feel lost: like a small baby who is lost in the vast world and has no where to go. My mind stops working and all the thinking is done by the heart.

Moreover my capabilities have so far been tested mostly in the “non-real” academic life and not in the “real” world. Who is to say I would be able to do well in the real world as well. What will happen in a scenario when I am not able to perform in the real world? Will the people who have praised me all this while stick around my tough days and regard me as the same person or would they change their perception of who I am?

A very reasonable question is why I care what people think about me. I have tried to answer this question and justify the fact that I should not be but there are some compelling reasons so as to honor their faith:

Firstly these are people who have had a hand in my success either small or big. So they have every right to have expectations from me and these expectations make me vulnerable

Secondly I believe that some people die with their death and others continue to live on. I don’t want to die ever. I want to do something that others would always remember me for. It might be a selfish endeavor and probably a hollow reason but some how to me it always feels important

Thirdly now that there have been so much expectation around me there are a lot of people who are ready with their knives out to slaughter me and people who believe in me for the tiniest mistake I make. If it was me alone I would have lived with it but some of the others are people whom I respect a lot and can’t see somebody throwing mud on their face.

I know this is a struggle I have to fight alone and can’t dare to loose but till when should I fight. Till what date would I have to keep on proving my self so that others don’t change their perception of me because of a single mistake. Also this is a vicious circle. The more you achieve the more people expect from you. Finally and most importantly when would that phase come when I would be supremely confident of me and my abilities? Would it ever come if I have all these thoughts? I some how doubt but then I don’t see a path away from these doubts presently!!
I believe that there is a plot for every one who comes to the world and one day this mystery would definitely be resolved as part of the bigger plan. Till that day I will continue to put in effort to solve it and hope for the best!!

Orkut: The place of good people

2007-08-02T03:16:00.000+05:30

I have been thinking about this for a while now. Any testimonial that you see in orkut always talks about how good the person it. It never talks about the bad things person posses. According to these testimonial all the people on orkut are awesome and are amazing and brilliant ..... . But statistically speaking this is not possible. If we define amazing people to be the top 5% (or 10%) of the entire population then assuming that orkut is a fair reflection of the general population only 5 (or10%) of the entire orkut community can be really awesome or really great or brilliant. But it seems like most of the people on orkut are great etc. etc... So where does the trick lie.

I don’t have a correct answer to this but my guess is that people see what they want to see in a person. Every body on the planet has shades of black, grey etc. but if I am a friend of yours then I tend to ignore these shades and look at the white part of yours. I tend to see only the good things that you have and leave the bad part alone and hence a person who is good in the eyes of one can be a bad person in the eyes of other. (Well we see the frame of reference does matter a lot here as well and not only in physics.). But then how do you define a person to be good or bad. Hitler a person who has been declared bad by most would be admired (or may have been admired) by certain people. Doesn't it make him a good person may be in the eyes of few people only but it certainly does. This means that there are no good people or bad people so as to say but its the frame of reference that makes them good or bad.

The aim for a man should be 2 fold:
1) To be good in as many frames of references as possible
2) To make sure that in his frame of reference most of the people are good

To me its the former which is the easier part but the later which is much more difficult as the former could be achieved by deceiving others while in the later you have to deceive yourself in case you decide to be untruthful. Deceiving others is far more easily than deceiving yourself and hence the objective no.1 is easier to achieve. Hence it is difficult to find people who love everybody than those who are loved by everybody. That’s the precise reason why our ancestors used to lay stress on seeing every human being in the same light!!!

Lonely and alone

2007-07-01T03:35:00.000+05:30

There are times when you begin to feel lonely and alone in this world. You feel that you have are at a wrong place and find your environment out of sorts. You see around and realize that did you make a mistake coming to this environment. Well right now I am feeling something similar. It all started when I attended my first L^2 party. Not that I took to the dance floor but I was there for about 45 minutes watching a lot of guys and gals get drunk and dance as if there was not tomorrow. This made me realize that I could never be like that. There I was at a place and event which by a lot of IIM B junta is the best moment of their stay and I felt out of place and positively repulsive at that place. Even if it is not the best part of most of the students stay it is a event which most attend very regulary (definitely more regularly than the classes for a few!!). It just stuck to me that my cultural values and framework is so different from most of the people who visit this place that I would never fit into the surroundings and would never be comfortable with a lot of these people in an informal setting. Most of the people were those whom I am at good terms with but dont spend a lot of time together but there were people who were close to me. People who I think are very good friends of mine but I think that these differences which have been induced in us due to a our upbringing will never go. We might compromise but then would we be comfortable with each other over a long period of time. There have been no indication of a brewing problem over the years but sometimes I get a feeling that over the years some thing might happen because of this which would have a implication of some of the freindships I cherish. May be this is the feeling you will always get if there is something that is too good to be true.

But you can't for once ignore the fact that there is a huge gap between the culture I come from and the culture I am goign to be a part of and some things inside me keep on telling me that I would not make it. I am not at adjusting to new things. I have been cout of my house for the last 10 years and yet I refuse to let go of the culture I was born in and take on the new one which I am stepping into. Would it have been better if I stayed back at home and lived a easy life without all such tensions? I don't know .. I don't think anybody does only time will tell.

Should I die with the beggar?

2007-06-29T01:09:00.000+05:30

Sometimes when you read something it provokes your thoughts...it makes you think. I recently read a post written by one of my friends should old beggars kill themselves and I thought to my self it is an intriguing question...it is a question which I don't think I have an answer to but none the less I thought about it. I think it boils down to what you want from your life.. what is it that makes you live. What would you like to achieve in the 70-80 years that you are going to spend on this planet. I think for a beggar the sole puropse of living is to live. Is it bad to live for the sake of living ... I think not. Most of the educated people don't know and don't care as to what they want to achieve in their life. They would know what they want to achieve in from their professional life but since a beggar does not have one he can't have a professional target so as to speak. So in a way at a broad level we are no different than any of the beggars in the street. So the question to ask really is should any body who does not know what he is here for and doesn't want to know have a reason to survive.

I though further whether I know what I want to do in this world over the next 40 years. I thought may be I do but I don't think that I have a very concise and precise answer for the same. A flood of guilt and emotions took over me... I a person who has always been given good food and clothes am no different from a beggar who has always struggled for the next bit when it comes to finding the true meaning of life. Why is my life more important than his? I don't this it is and hence I don't think that he/she should die. If he decided to die I don't have a reason to live

The story of a lost passport

2007-06-24T01:17:00.000+05:30

Well people tell tales of what they did right and how did they accomplish some thing. My tale is neither ...mine is a story of a lost passport.. once in a life time opportunity (hopefully) to experience the adventure and fun (many dont even experience it once.) It all started when I landed back at Delhi from London on that eventful night of 9th June. I was happy to be back and very excited that i will be meeting my family soon. I came out and booked a pre paid taxi (which was a very wise move) to Gurgaon. I landed and sure enough my aunt was waiting there for me at 12 in the night. I had a very good night talking through the night with my aunt and then took the next days train to Bikaner at 9 in the morning. My train was delayed by about an hour during the journey and I reached home at around 11 in the night. As soon as I stepped in the house I had a funny feeling that I had lost my passport. I took bath and started searching for it in my luggage but could not find it. I put the issue on hold for the morning and had an enjoyable talk with my parents and siblings deep into the night and slept at around 4. I woke up at 8 and searched for my passport but to no avail. I called up my aunt and asked her to check at Gurgaon in case I had left it their but again as I suspected no success. We were all worried at this point as it could be misued and secondly duplicate passport can be issued only after great effort. So after some delibration I booked a train ticket back for Delhi the same day. (I was at home for less than 15 hours my shortest stay ever.) I reached Delhi early morning and booked a hotel and slept for some time. I went to the airport and talked to the airport authority and the airport management but to no avail. Finally I went to the pre paid taxi stand and asked the police their to give me the number of the taxi which I had taken that they. They came up with the information after searching the register where the list of the passenger driver and taxi number goes. I talked to the taxi union about the taxi and the driver and they were able to guess that the taxi should be in the airport stand itself. I walked to the stand which was about 500 meters from the departure and asked for the driver and sure enough was able to find him there and so was the taxi. I searched the taxi and got sure enough there it was in front of me. Lying under the seat was teh passport inside the blue pouch I recognised at once. I was breathing normally again as citizen of India. But the two days are definitely unforgettable for me. It just highlighed how careless I can be and what effects it can have. It was something that could have been much worse but well I was saved by some prompt action. Lessons to take from here are be careful and be prompt action. Together they can save a lot of stress.

Had fun in London but did I really enjoy it

2007-06-23T20:47:00.000+05:30

I am back in India .... and it seems so good to be back with my friends and family. The place where are really belong. I had a great time in London but there is a difference ....I think the only thing I was missing was .. India. London is an amazing city .. it's truly one of those places where you would like to live in at least for a short period of time. But there were days when I wanted to talk to some one who was close to me. Some one who knew me well ... some one who would bear all by cribbing not because he/she has to but because he/she knows it will be helpful to be and important to me. In short I was missing some of my close friends and family. I know I have been living away from my home for the last 10 years (almost) and how can I miss them know but I think it is very easy initially and keeps getting difficult as time passes by. I missed some of my close friedns.. I missed Pabbo and A^2 and the long chats I have with them. I am afraid of this the most that once we pass out of this place I would loose them again .. we would not live in the same city .. even if we do would we have time to spend with each other and have a long chat as we have them now.... its a scary world out there with a lot of uncertainity and I am not sure I am goign to love it. On top of that there are certain other operation problems that I faced in London. Coming back from office and then cook and iron out clothers at 11 or 12 in the night is not the easiest of things to do and well its ok to do for 2 months but for a sustained period its difficult. Food is always a problem outside India if you are a veg. But all these things can be dealt with if you have some good friends whom I can talk to. I dont know whether I would have some one there. I am afraid it might not be true as most of my friends dont want to leave India. In that case I could not imagne the haste I would be in to get back to India. There are certain decisions I need to take for my profession life but certainly they are at a cost...my personal life!!! I have already made a decision ... but is it the right one...only time will tell!!

The year gone by!

2007-04-02T17:25:00.000+05:30

So finally at last after such a long time (and many more such adjectives) the first year is over. We (people who were brave enough to take AMDA course) are done with the final exam of term 3 as well as the final submission (we still have an RMD submission to do but what the hell). It feels great to have finally finished an year which a lot of people call is close to a snapshot from hell with out any major hiccups (ya ya I know i missed an exam due to over sleeping but is that major....naa!!!). We are out of the woods celebrating you may think..... well not so. This poor soul has to work on something known as CCS which is supposed to be part of a project in the next term which is supposed to start about 2.5 months from now... SO basically although we have finished the first year the second term has started for us without giving us even a day of vacation!!!

I had to cancel my ticket for travelling home as I had to work on RMD project as well as work on the CCS project. I think I deserved a break a break from all this studies and projects and submissions but as it stands I don't think I would get any.

So enough of bitching....the real question is what have I learnt over the last 9 months. I came into this institute after working for about 2 years where I was getting decent salary. What transformation does this place provide so that the same person who was getting a decent salary ends up paying taxes much more than others salary. I have been thinking about it a lot and have never been able to find an answer. In my case I believe academically I have done decently well here not only in terms of grades but more importantly in terms of learning. But if that would have been the deciding change then I could as well have read the books without coming to IIM and still get such humongous pay. So that should not be the case. Some would say its the profs which make your learning better and blah blah blah.. and I agree to a certain extent. If there is somebody who is exceptional but then not every body could be exceptional here as well. So that rules out this possibility as well.

They say you start working as a team... all bullshit I say. In projects most of the time not all people work at least that has been my experience. Hence its more like people willing to work will work and rest wont. That too you try and distribute the work and in the end collate the work together. So where is the group learning?

Your personality changes some say!!! I doubt that too. Your personality cant go through a huge change in 2 years or lets put it this way it is improbable. At least for most its not the case. For me .....well it has changed but to some extent. How why and all are questions that can be answered some other time.

My biggest take away from here would be the network I have developed here. I have met people who are top notch smart from all over India. Most of them would be or are in line to become future CEOs and a network like this definitely helps. But even above this I have made some (although few) really good friends. I have come in touch with people who have been able to understand me and like me for what I am. I would have come to this place and gone through the torture of the first year without even thinking twice just to know such people. I hope they think the same for me and I really hope that this friendship(s) does not end with the second year. This place would have been extremely difficult to get through had it not been for these guys ....so I would like to say "Thank you so much!!!".

Well I am out of all the reasons I have heard so far (as well as out of time as I need to go and prepare for my CCS). Well I still have an year to find out. Hopefully I will be successful in the next year and come up with an answer. Till then let me keep thinking......

The valuable asset

2007-02-16T15:12:00.000+05:30

Once one of my friends had joked "Life is a balance sheet. Its assets and liabilities side always match". I laughed at him and made fun of him at that time but then I was thinking about this yesterday and realized may be there might be a deep meaning to it. May be .. I might be stretching the point here but cant help it.

Liabilities loosely speaking are your responsibilities or duties. When you actually perform them they get converted into assets. For eg. take friendship. Isn't it a liability...yes it is. You have certain responsibilities towards your friends but at the same time isn't it your asset? Most definitely it is. I generally belive that the people/organization you put your effort into (basically they are your liabilities) become your streghts and your asset. Like any other asset in real life you need to spend some asset to accquire another one. So you need to spend time and effort to develop your assets and this is the price of your assets.

Taking this view does bring up a very interesting question. What is the most prized asset a person has? I believe that the most prized asset of a person should be an asset which is built into him. Which is not due to an external source. Which makes him better than others. I believe it the determination and self confidence that a person has. If you have the will to achieve success and the self belief there is nothing ... i mean nothing in this world that could ever stop you from reaching your goal. All the other qualities and drawbacks become secondary ...it might take you more time to reach than some of the more blessed soles but it certainly a "when" question and not a "whether" question.

Look at most of the famous people in the history. Edison had made some 1000 prototypes of the bulb before he succeeded. JK Rowling's Harry Potter was rejected by lot of publications. Abraham Lincoln became the president after studying under street light. Saurav ganguly never gave up after been ejected from the Indian cricket team. And these are not exceptions. The common thread among most successful people is not intelligence, not charisma, nothing but there will to fight, there will to hang on no matter what. There self belief that they will be able to come up from the mess they were in.

So I pray to god not to give me money not to give me riches or intelligence but to give me this asset. The strength to fight when the chips are down. The strength to believe in my capabilities and abilities. I pray to god that I fight!!!

A friend in need

2007-02-05T00:38:00.000+05:30

As a famous saying goes "A friend in need is a friend indeed". Very cliched way to start ...may be but then if you are writing something about friendship where to start. Having said that I don't think that I have never seen a correct explanation of the whole saying. The most important aspect of the saying has always been ignored. What do we mean by being "in need"? Some people will say that it is very easy .. when you are troubled or sad or things are not going your way that is the time of need... that is the time of need. So in adverse conditions and circumstances people who stand by you are your real friends. But surprise of all surprise I don't agree to this. I don't believe that you need a person when you are down. You should be hard and tough enough to face the circumstances and travel through it. If you are not then you cant guide a friend of yours through trouble if required and if you can't do that then you can't have a good friend. Moreover I believe that people who come to you when you are down mostly come to you to be visible and derive pleasure from your misery. They are happy that you are suffering and hence come to you to feel good about themselves and say "We are not as bad as this guy". Even if he is a good guy and wants to help you I would describe him as your well wisher rather than a friend. There is a difference between 2. Your parents are your well wisher but they might not be your friends.

So this again brings us to the fact that what is it that defines "being in need". I believe that people who are with you when you are happy and share the pleasure with you are the ones who are your real friends. They are happy because you are happy and this automatically suggests that you share some kind of bonding with them. Happiness does not mean anything if you are alone and hence you need somebody to share it... hence the phrase "in need". This is the real need a friend should fulfil. He/She should be an integral part of the happy moments one has had.

If you look at your happy moments I bet you would be able to see all best friends in it but this might not necessarily true for your sad/unhappy moments.

But I would go one step forward than this and say "A real friend is one who is with you ALWAYS". I think that if you have a really good friend he will always be with you as you would never be able to get him/her out of your mind/heart. He is with you irrespective of your condition. So a friend in need is a well wisher and a friend in happy moments is a friend but the true friend is one who is always with you and you cant get rid of him/her how hard you may try.

Makes sense.. may be .. may be not.. !!!

Fate: The undiscovered

2007-02-03T04:04:00.000+05:30

I have been wondering over a long time whether fate/destiny exist i.e. whether there is a hidden force which is super natural that affects the outcomes of our efforts. I was unable to make a decision till my fourth year at IIT-JEE and then something happened and it became very clear to me that fate is a false premise to hide your failures. It is for the weak and the pansies to hide behind when they are in the firing line. I believe that people can control the outcome of any effort they put to a large extent and the small part which they cant ascertain is not due to luck or some supernatural force but due to the fact that they did not consider certain dimensions into account while make a decision or forgot to implement them. Finally when the result does not go their way they seem to say that we out in every thing but we are not LUCKY enough to succeed.

But then as fate would have it (:)) certain events unfolded yesterday. It seemed to far fetched to consider the fact that they would all happen on the same day yet the did. Was this fate? I don't know but my firm belief in non-existence of fate sure did take a huge hit.. may be it is there...may be it is the uncertainty associated with every action in life. since there is uncertainty in life we don't know the final outcome and hence we try to name it fate. I believe that probably I would never be able to come up with a final answer to this debate but I did uncover one thing in all these things.

Even if there was something called fate -- by definition you would not be able to control it and hence its irrelevant to decision making or analysis of situation. So people who try to factor it in are always worse than those who don't and hence all in all don't think about fate just do what you can to your best. As Lord Krishna has famously said: "Put in your effort and forget the rest"!! I hope I would be able to do this in my life.

Summer Placement

2006-11-25T17:58:00.000+05:30

With all the hype and hoopla surrounding the IIM Bangalore summer placement it is time to take stock of the situation. Well to say that it was a huge success in terms of numbers would be an understatement. The entire batch getting placed for summers in 5 days, 105 dayz and so on but the real test was how the batchmates supported who needed the support during those days and is the process really justified after all. I would not comment on the first thing as there have been a lot of discussion on this but there are certain opinions that I would like to voice on the second point. To say that the process is stressing would be an understatement especially for people who could not make it on the first day. It is definitely the case that there were many good people who could not make it on the first day because they did not have a good profile. Looking at it subjectively it is possible for people to come to IIMs not study at all and leave with one of the most coveted jobs that IIM can offer. Why and how is it possible? I am not the right person to answer the why question and it is the matter that the institution has to decide. As to the how part let me explain. In case you have a good profile and you enter IIMs you work hard on our resume and get selected in a good company(say a dayz); this is after 4 months of joining when you have not learned anything and have no idea as to what different streams have to offer. Since during summers your first term marks are not taken into account it is quite convenient not to study hard. Again once you have got a good summer you tend to relax and not mug at all. After that when you go for summer internship you work hard and get a PPO i.e. Pre placement offer and chill out for the next year as well since only place where your CGPA matters is final summer placement which you wont sit in as you have a PPO. There are always cases like these in all the batches and all the IIMs I guess. Now one may ask what is wrong in this? There is nothing wrong except it makes IIMs no more than a placement office and if that is what IIMs want to become then so be it. But I think that this is not what IIMs would like to end up as. So if they have to live up to its expectation of good academic institutes they need to change the culture in the institutes and make summer a lower profile affair.

A bitter sweet experience

2006-04-13T22:44:00.000+05:30

The IIM results were out yesterday and it was bitter sweet experience for me for several reasons. Let me first highlight why I felt sad after the results. Firstly, I was not able to convert IIMA which I was very sure of converting. One of my very close friend suffered the same fate and the other one who had B and C calls was not able to convert either. All this left me a little bit sad.
The saving grace coming from my conversion of IIMB as well as one of my close friend also converting the same. This made me happy for several reasons and the most important of all being that we would be again together for the span of atleast 2 years. Two years that could and would shape our future to a great extent. I communicated the result to one of my profs. and he was happy and gave me a advice. "In life most of the time it does not matter where you are rather it matters what you are". I am sure of keeping this with me for a long long time. So let me get on with work now and hopefully by the time I write the next post I would have enough enthu to be ready to face what lies ahead.

IITians and IIMians should be exclusive!!!

2006-03-28T19:46:00.000+05:30

I was just thinking about what to write next and then I came across an article in economictimes.com about whether IITians should be allowed to do IIMs and whether IIMs should be allowed to take non managerial jobs after graduating. Well I would like to state upfront that I am an IITian and trying desperately to get into IIMs. So my views would be biased and but then whose are not!!! Any comments are more then welcome.

Well to start with where has this question arisen from? Why the thinking that IITs should not do any other thing but technical work!!! (There was a debate few years ago they IITs should be banned from civil services as well). Why this kind of mentality.

I think that there are 2 reasons for this kind of mentality. One being the fact that there is a lot of investment by government on IITs (plus the man hours spent by the Profs. there) and secondly I believe that these are voices raised by people who either can't make it or who don't have the guts to do it. To answer the first I am among the people who believe that government should stop financing the premier institute(IIMs and IITs). They are more than capable of running their own finances. Apart from it I also believe that fees should be increased as no bank in right mind would say no to education loan for a person who is entering either of the Institutes. As for the second reason is concerned I don't think that it is worth discussing. If people like these have problems let them have it.

I also believe that IITs have what is typically known as analytical qualities which they can in fields like I-banking where analytical qualities are required. If you take IITians away from IIMs it would not be as good a place and it would not have as good placements. So IITians in fact help the IIMs make its brand image to a certain extent.

Another point raise in the article was that if you have to choose your own field like making an album then you should not come in IIMs. I saw WTF. Because the guy who does this has some guts which normal IIM grads dont have they should not have done IIMs. I think that it we have more people like these in IIMs it would make it a rocking place to be. I take a bow to these people. To have self belief to quit multi million dollar salaries and do what they want to. This is entrepreneurship at its best. Go guys!! I hope you make big very big to shut up your critics. All the best to you

The ultimate disaster!!!

2006-03-22T17:12:00.000+05:30

Well it could not have been worse thats for sure. It was worse than the worst night mare I have ever had. What am I talking about ....what else then IIM Calcutta interview. It went very very bad!!! You be the judge. My only hope is that it was a stress interview but I got the feeling that it is not. Anyways lets see. As usual there were 3 panelist. We had a horrible GD. There was a time when every one of us was talking. As usual we were supposed to talk about the topic at the end of the GD for one minute. I was the last to go and most of the guys were summarizing the topic. Well I did not and went on to speak about the topic for a minute as I felt this was what they wanted.

Venue: IIM Bangalore
Date: 16th March 2006
Time: 9.30AM

3 panelist. Left(L); Right(R) and centre(C)

C: Have a seat. Tell me something about your self!!
I: (It was what I had mugged up for the last one month and vomitted out there....)
C: What was your favourite subject?
I: Theory of Computation. (i guess he did not know much about it so he went into other field)
C: You are from CS. Tell me about Neumann architecture?
I: Dont know sir.
C: Can you tell me the P4 architecture
I: Dont know sir?
C: What comprises an architecture?
I: I was able to answer it and he added on a couple of points.
C: Did you do any microprocessor in your courses? (Before i can answer) Ok what is clock stealing?
I: remembered something but what I spoke was wrong.
C: What is over clocking
I: (Finally i know something!!!) I was able to answer this.
C: What are advantages and disadvantages of this?
I: was able to answer this as well
C: you are good at maths?
I: Ye, Sir.
C: What is chaos theory
I: (I had no clue!!!) Dont know sir.
C: You should read not just read the text books especially of the subjects you like.
I: I nodded( What was i supposed to do?)
R: Can you draw a sine curve for me on the black board?
I: Was able to do this.
R: Can you draw a tan curve?
I: easy again
R: How many maximas and minimas does a sine curve have?
I: infinite sir
R: How about tan. Would it have a maxima or minima?
I: I said no sir it wont as it goes to -infinity and plus infinity as we approach pi/2 and -pi/2
R: what is the periodicity of sine curve?
I: (screwed up big time here) I said pi. (I don't know how!!!)
R: Take a seat.
I: Thanks sir.
L: You read news papers?
I: yes sir.
L: which one
I: The Hindu
L: There has been a change recently in it. Do you know about it.
I: (I had no idea!!!) No sir.
L: who is the editor
I: (there goes the last hope!!) no idea sir. (all of them smile)
L: where is it printed from .. i mean originally
I: no clue sir
L: u had done a course state polity and society. what is the difference between plity and politics.
I:(I did not remember much of it anyways!!). did not say a single word.
C: Ok! you may leave now.
I: Thanks sir.

well I had hoped C would be a cake walk and i was brought down to earth like anything. Hope that it was not as bad as it seems to me. Anyways bbye C. lets hope i can covert B and A and then choose among them

Are we getting rude?

2006-03-20T15:12:00.000+05:30

I was reading through a newspaper supplement (Hindu's metro) where there was an article on are we as a nation getting rude day by day. I had never realized it before but it seems to be true. The f-word and the finger gesture that we use so often is clearly a sign of what is happening. Well people who know me would like to point out that probably I have no right when it comes to writing about rudeness. I can be very rude some times and I do admit it. At the same time my rudeness just shows that its not just the uneducated but even the educated that are suffering from this syndrome. I would go further to say that although education is meant to teach us humility its that educated one that are more rude than the uneducated one. Probably because they are under more pressure or probably because they drive a bigger car which can be blocked easily. Either way these are no the excuses that can be given to cover over rudeness. What has happened to us? We as Indian were considered the most tolerant of nation. Look how we have engulfed different religions and taken the best out of them.

Am I being too judemental here. Has the definition of rudeness changed over the years. As the article pointed out that the fastest way to get your work done in today's word is being rude. You shout at some one and you would be listened and obeyed. But when you point this out to some body not even a single one admits the same. Argument being hey thats the way it is. I would also like to blame the media here. They stress so much about being aggression without actually defining it. Its very easy to mix both of them up. Parents not having time for children (how can this be but it is true) as both are working parents, long working hours and high ambition can be other reasons for us being on the edge all the time. well what ever the reason might be we need to turn the tide and start being sober again!!

What a match!!!

2006-03-14T22:21:00.000+05:30

Well after all the euphoria has settled down of the match between Australia and South Africa let us see what implication it has for the ODI cricket. Is it a harbinger of what is to come?? (I hope so!!). Will 450 be a chasable score in crciket some time from now on? All the indiactions are there and pointing to the fact that this might be a possibility. Powerplays (20 overs available for hitting), lightning fast out field and short boundaries allow more runs being scored now. With better bat technology and also stronger and fitter players run scoring has become quicker in both the ODI as well as the test form of the game.
But still then, to chase 434. My God!! I can't still believe it. I am out and out Australian fan (my roomates hate me for it!) and was disheartend to a certain extent at the end of the game to loose a game like this. But I was on SA side after the 35 overs of SA innnigs. The way they came out after conceding 434 thinking about the chase showed immense mental toughness. This has to go down as the best one day ever played and it is going to take some doing in making this as number 2.

Chelsea defeated!!!

2006-03-10T14:27:00.000+05:30

Well it has been almost 2 days and I had promised one of my friends of this blog. So here it goes. To start with I must say that I am extremely happy that Chelsea lost to Barca not because it was a victory of "good football" over "boring football" (though Chelsea are boring) but only because I am a Barca fan. But there are few out there who seem to be unhappy and clearly this is an example. So lets see what I think...

Well if you want to save your time and not read the blog that follows completely I am summarizing it here for you. MOURINHO STINKS. Well thats about it .. but to read why you need to read it completely!!!

I am not saying that Mourihno ("The Special One" as he calls himself - TSO in short) is a bad coach; I believe that he is a great coach tactically and has a great future. Any team would be lucky to have him as a coach and any team would be benefited by his "god given talent". I also admire the way Chelsea played the 2nd half of the first leg with 10 men. But the point is that football is a sport and it's meant to entertain. If its not entertaining than its not football and here is where TSO fails. He makes football a mechanical and non-entertaining event (I can't call it sport any more). He even forced teams like Barca to give up "beautiful football" and play like Chelsea. This is bad for football as such and hence I would like to see the back of him ASAP.

Coming to the match as such. I believe that over the 2 legs Barca were a better team and Rijkaard proved to be a better coach then TSO. He played the waiting game knowing perfectly well that they can back on Ronnie to create something out of nothing and help Barca through. TSO fell to the bait perfectly and the result is in front of us. Moreover to say that Barca won just because of Ronnie would be wrong. He was the difference ..no doubting that but football is a team game and an individual never wins in football. Thats the beauty of this sport. The same Ronnie was in PSG but they never came close to winning a CL trophy while he was there? Apart from that I think Messi was good enough to give the entire Chelsea team nightmares.

10 Men!!! When the Chelsea fans would give us a break :-) and stop making excuses. Well I believe that Del Horno did not deserve a Red for that foul but he did deserve a Red... seems like a contradiction .. well not. I would like to bring to your notice that Del Horno did deserve 2 yellows..one for the tackle on Messi for which he got Red and one for the tackle he had made 10 mins ago on the same guy who had terrorized the Chelsea back 4 all night (Messi .. not Ronnie!!!). That makes it 2 yellow which is equal to one RED. So things did even out.

As a parting note I would like to point out that fans and players reflect the mindset of the coach. You heard a referee retiring last year due to Chelsea fans' death threats and this year there have been more of the same after the first leg. Did you hear a sinlge Milan fan threatening the referee for the penalty that he awarded to Liverpool in last year's final for a blatant dive by Gerard or do you remember a protest from ManU fans for disallowing a clear goal by Scholes in 2004 round of 16 against Porto (then managed by TSO) for offside. This just proves that Chelsea are bad losers and this change has come about after TSO came to Chelsea. He is a sore looser and needs to learn that there are people and teams better than him or his. So he needs to accept that Barca was the better side (which he does not!!). I hope TSO grows up.. for his own good and even more importantly for the good of football in general.

My Interview Experience

2006-03-08T16:50:00.000+05:30

I am about to share with you guys my IIM A interview experience. As I had got a PPO from Intel and hence had never given an interview before this. So I was pretty nervous when I entered the room for interview. Luckily the Case Study went well and that settled the nerves a little bit. But when I entered the room I was pretty tensed. The panel had 3 persons; all male. Lets call then Left(L), Centre(C) and Right(R). I would represent my self as I.

Venue: IIM bangalore
Date: 27th Feb 2006
Time: 9.00 AM.

I: Good morning Sir(s);
C: Good morning. Sit down
I: Thank you sir.
C: Is the first person we interview out side??
I: (Not expecting this!!!) Yes sir.
C: Why is he not going home. Why is he wasting his time?
I: I don't think that he is wasting his time sir, I think he is talking to people and getting to know about them.
C: Did you talk to him about the interview.
I: I talked to him but not about the interview.
C: So you don't take this interview seriously.....
I: (What the hell is going on!!!!) Sir, I take this interview seriously but I don't think that last minute preparations are going to help me
C: So what did you talk to him about?
I: Generally, where is he from what is he doing now and background.
C: So what do you know about him. Well tell us about a few people out there.
I: I told them about a couple.
L: Thats it ..thats what you have been talking about for the last 45 minutes....(all of them started laughing)
I: smiled at the panel
C: OK so tell me what is the difference between ISB and IIM
I: Normal stuff about people having more work ex. as well as one year. hands on experience for people at ISB and stuff like that.
C: OK so tell me the current situation about Karnataka politics
I: well the government has changed.
C: no..no lets go in details... what happened on the first day.. what is the current position and stuff like that...he also questioned about which party does new CM belong to .... what is the anti deflection law says...
I: I was able to answer most of the questions.
L: which are the states going into election now.
I: I said kerala and TN.. (there were 5 but could remember on 2)
L: is politics your field of interest?
I: no sir.. not much
L: why do you know so much about politics
I: general news paper..
C: which news paper?
I: Hindu...
C: tell me the main points of the railway budget.
I: I said 4-5 points.
C: was it a deficit budget?
I: yes sir
C: are you sure?
I: yes sir ( I am still not sure)
R: so you don't take criticism well!!!
I: yes sir.
R: what do you mean by this?
I: some think about making excuses..Etc.
R: So u like being praised?
I: (bewildered!!!) yes sir. I think that every body would be.
All of them together: you are so nice.. U are great (started laughing at this point)
I: smiled back!! (what else was I supposed to do???)
R: go on
I: talked a little bit about how it has hurt me and what I am doing
L: so what are complex numbers
I: (why the hell is he asking me about complex numbers!!) I told him that under root of negative numbers and all..
L: where are they used!!!
I: solving rlc circuits..
R: where did they come into picture from..
I:( I forgot that ...) I don't know sir
C: what is bubble sort
I: told him
L: what is is complexity?
I: o(n^2)
L: what is quick sort?
I: told him
L: why is the complexity n*log(n)
I: explained that we had to break the array and stuff like that
L: what is the base of that log???
I: told to him that base would be depend on the kind of break up you get...
L: seemed pleased .... looked at the others in panel.
C: you may take your toffee and leave now..
I: (thats it!!!!) ... I took one toffee and was about to leave when.. (I am standing)
C: what would you change in Rajasthan?
I: I said education and infrastructure.
L: are you from the factory?
I: I am sorry sir.. I don't understand..
L: are you from Kota?
I: yes sir
C: Thanks Mr. Daga
I: Thanks a lot sir!!!

Well thats about it.... will add any thing if I remember more. It went ok ok I guess ... I answered a couple of questions incorrectly but I guess over all it went ok.
It lasted about 20 minutes..

well got to run .. need to prepare for C (on 16th March). keep checking this spot for more details about C.