There are times when you begin to feel lonely and alone in this world. You feel that you have are at a wrong place and find your environment out of sorts. You see around and realize that did you make a mistake coming to this environment. Well right now I am feeling something similar. It all started when I attended my first L^2 party. Not that I took to the dance floor but I was there for about 45 minutes watching a lot of guys and gals get drunk and dance as if there was not tomorrow. This made me realize that I could never be like that. There I was at a place and event which by a lot of IIM B junta is the best moment of their stay and I felt out of place and positively repulsive at that place. Even if it is not the best part of most of the students stay it is a event which most attend very regulary (definitely more regularly than the classes for a few!!). It just stuck to me that my cultural values and framework is so different from most of the people who visit this place that I would never fit into the surroundings and would never be comfortable with a lot of these people in an informal setting. Most of the people were those whom I am at good terms with but dont spend a lot of time together but there were people who were close to me. People who I think are very good friends of mine but I think that these differences which have been induced in us due to a our upbringing will never go. We might compromise but then would we be comfortable with each other over a long period of time. There have been no indication of a brewing problem over the years but sometimes I get a feeling that over the years some thing might happen because of this which would have a implication of some of the freindships I cherish. May be this is the feeling you will always get if there is something that is too good to be true.
But you can't for once ignore the fact that there is a huge gap between the culture I come from and the culture I am goign to be a part of and some things inside me keep on telling me that I would not make it. I am not at adjusting to new things. I have been cout of my house for the last 10 years and yet I refuse to let go of the culture I was born in and take on the new one which I am stepping into. Would it have been better if I stayed back at home and lived a easy life without all such tensions? I don't know .. I don't think anybody does only time will tell.
